heart

nobody's going to read this anyway. so to hell with it.

it's been three months. it'll be a lie if i say that i don't miss her and that i don't love her. i still do even though she doesn't.

truth is i was never angry at her. i was and still am angry at myself. i'm angry for making her do the things that she did. angry for making her sad. angry for forcing her to leave me.

still, all that i did and still am doing is all for her though she will never notice it. i have to be cruel, to be kind. if it's for her, i don't mind bleeding.

i need her to hate me. i need her to flush me out of her system. i need her to start seeing others. i need her to be happy. i want her to be happy. she deserves it, after all the suffering she got from me. and i deserve this pain.

possibilities

life is about a series of choices.
if a choice made lead to an unwanted result,
changes should be made;
not to the result, but other things.
when you cant get a strike with a throw in bowling,
you dont go changing the arrangement of the pins,
you change your approach etc.
when doing A gets you nowhere,
try doing B.
the universe holds countless possibilities.

everything else

i've decided that not everything is about me.
others' problems are most probably unrelated to me.
others' statements are also most probably unrelated to me.
that's why i make it my policy not to care... starting just now.
if a problem has no mentioning of me in it, then it's not about me.
others should really consider doing the same thing.
everything is not about us.

Lies

what is it with people and their needs to comfort themselves with lies?
if you don't actually mean it, don't say it.
people who you said it to will expect something which you can never deliver.
they will end up disappointed.
they will hate you, whether they show it or not.
i'll always choose to show it, but that's just me.

everyone for themselves

it's the truth. people can argue, but what's true will remain true. we can try to take care of others, but we can never ignore ourselves. every decisions made will always reflect on what's best for us.
if everybody else do it, why shouldn't we? be selfish.

serenity, courage and wisdom

eight years back, my sister sent me a card that read,

"God gave us the serenity to accept the things we couldn't change, courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

i found out recently that it's originated from the serenity prayer; very christian, but true nonetheless.

very little things are beyond our reach; death... can only think of that at the moment. for everything else, be brave and fight harder.

if it's not your death, then it can be changed. grow a pair. have courage.

Pretty Ugly - Nanti

Engkau runsing
dia tiada di samping seperti selalu
Engkau bising
dia sentiasa berada dalam pelukanmu
Engkau ingin
akhiri hidupmu dengan dia yang benar kau cinta
Engkau tak ingin
terima semua jika impianmu itu musnah

Terlambatkah dirimu tika
dia pinta darimu itu semua
Biarkan saja dia sendiri
mungkin dia kan pergi
mungkin dia kembali

Nanti kau berjumpa
insan yang lebih sempurna
Dia milikmu selamanya
Nanti kau bertanya
dirimu sendiri
apa yang terjadi cuma hikmah
di sebaliknya

Masih sempatkah dirimu tika
dia putuskan untuk berpisah
Biarkanlah saja dia sendiri
dia takkan peduli
dia takkan kembali

Nanti kau berjumpa
insan yang lebih sempurna
Dia milikmu selamanya
Nanti kau bertanya
dirimu sendiri
apa yang terjadi cuma hikmah

Nanti kau berjumpa
insan yang lebih sempurna
Dia milikmu selamanya
Nanti kau bertanya
dirimu sendiri
apa yang terjadi cuma hikmah
di sebaliknya

Kau tak sedar
cintamu untuknya selagi dia ada bersama
Kau kan sedar
cintamu sedalam mana ketika dia telah tiada

two kinds of people?

people always talk about how there are two kinds of people in the world. the problem is each and every one of them is different from the other.

truth is there really are just two kinds of people; those who group others and those who don't.

oxymoron

be real, people.

you cant dump someone and then say you let them go.

that's just oxymoronic.

only people who are dumped are entitled to say that.

you cant let someone who has no intention of going go.

a fisherman doesnt tell the sea that he lets her go.

he tells the fishes that.

you cant be the red riding hood and the big badass wolf in the same play.

it's either you're the sweet grandma-visiting girl,

or the mean grandma-eating wolf.

being both is selfish.

and did i mention oxymoronic?

diesingle

i dont know whether it's a sign or a coincidence, but "diesingle" is the word verification displayed when i first created this blog. ok, i added an 'e' to it. it was just "diesingl". still, it sucks.

since the women that i love most, more than anything else (duh, that's what "most" supposed to mean), loves me no longer, i'll take it as a sign; at least for now, until it's proven otherwise.

what a depressing first post. hope it gets better.